Parent:
How was your day? Child: Fine. Parent: (sigh of frustration)
Breath
Eleven:
My
children attend a quaint neighborhood school.
I feel comfortable inside and outside this school. I have made my face known. I frequent the school
through my visits with Frederick and James in tow, volunteering, or simply
dropping off items for Lee and Jane. Perhaps
part of my confidence and comfort level parading our stroller brigade through
the school is that I was formerly a teacher; or perhaps because a few of my
former co-workers, and a personal friend (aka James’ mom) work at our
school. Regardless, I have made it a
mission to know the school, learn the names and the roles of adults who work in
our school. I gain this information from my children, other parents, and
teachers. I also, learn the names of the
students in my children’s classrooms, greeting them on the playground as they
run to the tire swing. I offer a good
morning as they line-up for the school day, or as I pop-in the classroom to drop
off forgotten and required tennis shoes for gym class. Why am I being obsessive, intense, fanatical
or just plain psycho-mom? Well, it is simple- I want to know what my children
are doing at school.
I want to know who they are playing with, what
they are learning, and how they are doing.
I would venture to say that all parents have this desire. In fact, playground chats with parents have
indeed told me that they rarely get information out of their children about
their school day. To be honest, my
children are big on sharing and jabbering about their day. I just don’t know where they get the gift of
gab from (wink, wink.) However, even I need
to probe deeper to get the information I desire.
Generally the information
I seek is based on the following ideas:
1. What is
my child learning? topic, skill, subject
2. How are they learning it,
practicing it, being presented it?
3. How is the learning environment?
4. What were the social
interactions among peers during the day?
(During learning/work time in the classroom, in specials, and on the
playground or free choice) Who are their
friends?
Similar
to a detective, I actively seek out information about each of my children’s
surroundings, and I fish for information in a strategic twenty questions
way. I ask peers, teachers, and parents
to help me develop a deeper insight. I
am persistent. I am an unrelenting
mother, protector of my children. It may
seem strange, but there is actual strategy and thought into how I delve into
the detective work.
Here are my strategies and
questions that I pose to my children:
1. I visit the classroom. I look at each area in the classroom.
There
might be a word work area, a classroom library with bookshelves, baskets, book
boxes and pillows. There could be math
boxes containing number charts, counters, ten frames, math books, playing cards
or flash cards for fluency practice. Perhaps
there will be a carpeted area where morning meetings are held, community
circles, read-alouds, mini-lessons, modeled writing, and shared writing take
place. There could be tables/desks
placed in pods where children have their own space to work. A behavior system chart might be present,
though hopefully not (that is a post for another day). There may
be round or kidney-shaped tables, where teachers, assess skills individually,
meet with small groups for math, reading, writing, and oral language
groups. And finally, you might see a
class schedule posted in the room. Look
for your child’s name and where they sit. Where does your child sit on the carpet? Where is their work displayed- in the
classroom, outside the classroom? Is
his/her name on the behavior chart (if there is one)? Look at his/her math and reading boxes. These
are all things that will help you in gaining understanding of the coveted,
questions “How was your day? What did you learn today?”
2. I check-in with the
teacher.
I attend parent –teacher conferences and open
house. I go to PTO meetings, family
fun-nights, and drop-in after school occasionally. If I have time, then I volunteer my time. While I do not email or call daily or even stop
the teacher in the hall each morning, I always say good morning, and if there
is time, make small talk and generally make myself easily available if there is
an issue or I have a question. A
friendly face and a quick chat is all that is necessary. I try to be respectful of the teacher’s time,
since it is a precious commodity for them.
Being friendly and inviting leaves the lines of communication open.
3. I ask my children specific
questions.
Based
on what the teacher has said and what you know about the classroom and your
child’s schedule you are ready to begin your fishing expedition. It is important to give some thought to when
you ask your children these questions. Twenty
questions directly after school does not work for my children. Directly after
school, I do ask the uber general question, “How was your day?” and then let them
play. Usually, I receive a “fine,” and a backpack swung in my direction. Occasionally, I get tears and we quickly
proceed home. It is on the walk or drive
home that I begin my questions. Then the questions commence later at dinner, sometimes during bath time, finishing up
around bedtime. Staggering the questioning allows for space, thought, and
continued conversation between you and your child throughout the evening.
Here are some specific questions that I use
on my own children.
- Tell me about something you did today in school.
- What book did your teacher read aloud today?
- Who is in your reading group? Math group? Oral Language group?
- What is in your math box?
- When do you use your math box?
- What book did you read out of your book box?
- Where did you read your book box books today? Did
you read with a buddy or independently?
- Who did you play with at morning recess? Lunch
recess?
- What did you play?
- What did you talk about in community circle? In morning meeting?
- What did you share today?
- What specials did you have today?
- Who was your partner today?
- Sometimes, I list each child in the classroom and
ask how their day was. This prompts
stories, gives me insight into what my child thinks about each student in
their class. It opens discussions
on how to work with diverse learners and how to choose partners and friends.
- What did you write about today?
- Who did you sit by at lunch? On the carpet? At
your table?
- Who was absent today?
- What was your favorite thing about today? What
was the worst thing about today?
- Where do you work best in the classroom? Who do you feel you work best by?
I
might follow- up with a, “Tell me more about that,” or “Give me more details
about that.” These investigations may
seem tedious, but they are fruitful in the information you gain about your
child’s day. They also prove to your children that you are interested,
involved, and listening.
Here’s to
revealing the details of the day detectives!
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